This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
