Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
