I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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