I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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