I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
