i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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