you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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