Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Your penis caused this!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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