hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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