Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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