I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
