I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
