She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
