My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize