Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
