So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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