I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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