Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hippo gnu deer
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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