You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There's always time for handjobs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize