cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
