I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
