Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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