I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
