I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize