So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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