"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
