I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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