I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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