I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
