ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with two different species that night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
