Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We smell like vodka and hangover
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