Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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