too bad you live with your parents still
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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