So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
