2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
