I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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