4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
