My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
