on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
