The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
