Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
