I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
