if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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