I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
