you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
