He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
