So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fuck appropriateness.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
