i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize