i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
