too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
