It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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