Are we in a gay sports bar?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
