Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
