So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
