If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
