Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
