Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
