i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
