Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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