Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
