He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
