I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
