Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
